Part 10 oh well.

 Though I was going to carry one. I find I now cannot. But decided to share the bit I did write beforehand. Thankfully due to canceling their trip, they now are saving from reading this drivel. and having to endure months of therapy. So with that, Here is the last of my alternative diary. 

We are firmly in the up direction mostly because it got harder to row. 

Jess has informed me the UK has got more wibbly-wobbly. Which is a technical term for a jagged coastline. 

With that info, we think we are about to cross over to Scotland. The magic eight ball informs us to ask again later. 

. Charlie lost a bet the other day. Proving once again that the Magic eight ball does not in fact float. So please send another. At the moment the sea bed is starting to look like a giant pool table. 

Steph has been pondering the Wibbly wobbly shoreline. Wondering to get rid of it all with a straight line. Mostly because after consulting the runes and asking a passing druid in a sailboat his opinion, he informed us that if we hugged the shoreline, it would take us about 7 years to complete. 

Now we are really Op north we have found the waters are getting more hilly Not only that but we rowed past a pod of dolphins and Charlie swore they were shouting ‘Check out that mad bampot squeak!

Also, I think Archibald is turning into a puffin.  Because he is starting to sound like a drunk cow. 

Now we are crossing to foreign waters. Because since writing this Scotland has got its independence. 

We have decided to have a bit of a clear-out, after compiling a load of extras and sovienners. In truth, it is making the boat slower. And we are about to get to the Scotland Sea immigration office so anything that looks English needs to go.

Our cabin is getting a little cramped. And it was a good idea to do a stock take of what items we have. Not including the food, clothes, first aid box, 18th-century Scuba gear, navigation equipment, 90000 rolls of toilet paper, a science lab, Archibald’s knitted jumpers, A load of limited edition Steven Redgrave dolls still in their boxes, spare oars, Mr. Runny grunts the bucket and half a mermaid. 

Song of the day from the little mermaid. 

Look at this stuff,

look at this gear

Why are we keeping this octopus ear

Wouldn’t you think we’re the team 

The team that has everything

 

Look at this tripe

here on this boat

I am surprised we all can still float

Wouldn’t you think we’re the team

The team that has everything

We have driftwood amounting to plenty

We are duckies of yellow and pink

You want flip-flops? We have twenty

No deal! Yes, it is. We could sink

We were only stopped for an hour by the immigration officers. 

In fact, we passed with flying colours after they said Awa' an bile yer heid’ Which is a term of endearment. And Charlie who had ‘Haud yer wheesht’ shouted at her which she took as a chat-up line.

And so we end. I am sure at some point the girls may have met pirates, Mermaids, the loch ness monsters cousin, and a hoard of Vikings. Along with Archibald appearing on spring watch. Who knows. I don't because I did not write that bit, which is a shame really because I had a lot of fun. 

Anyway, I will keep this up for a few months and then forget my password and the fact i have written it. 

VERY BAD NEWS

 Message from the crew.

It brings great sadness and the general annoyance of the stupid British summer that our wonderful girls are having to cut short their amazing work. 
Spending months, planning, getting sponsorship, and training like hell. 
This brings them great sadness to have to give it up. But safety is foremost and we are proud of our girls to make that decision. 
'During the recovery in extreme weather conditions, we lost a vital piece of safety equipment and due to this are unable to continue with our row. We’re all feeling very low and disappointed about this outcome after all the time/training/fundraising etc we have thrown at this challenge.' I have decided to carry on for a bit with my alternative diary. Maybe ending it with a mermaid or something.

part 9 alternative diary

  

We are now rowing towards the up direction more every day, and our accents have changed a bit.

Steph said it's Baltic out today, put Archibald int' 'ole, love, it's blowing ta gale. Then she started to refer to all of us as slummock.

After the small mutiny and telling Steph to stop playing silly buggers. We carried on with the up or 'op’ north direction. And it wasn’t long before the wonderful slights of Blackpool pleasure beach, The iridescent lights twinkling, neon flashes. And the Blackpool tower.

Lia pointed out that it wasn’t what she thought it looked like. She swore that the Blackpool tower did not have the words ‘The Douglas Complex’ printed on the side. And that she was sure it was on land. Nor could she remember a bunch of rather annoyed men shouting out it being out of bounds and a strange smell of oil. Which we blamed on Andrea’s cooking.

the song of the day was Zed Leppelin

Edit. I mean Led Zeppelin. 

Part 8 alternative diary

 At last we think we have found Wales. Mostly because we ended up in Gloucestershire, after rowing up the sea known as the Severn. Which was in fact a river. The mallard ducks and lilies should have given the game away but Skipper Jess swore they were in fact Gannets and seaweed.

After a quick ice-cream and an argument with a Pedalo shaped like a swan, we set back they way we came but backwards, Mostly because we couldn’t remember how to turn around.



It's been a few days since I have spoken to you. We passed a Cardigan, along with some other knitted items that fell off a ship. Andrea has been fashioning a pullover out of one of the items as Archibald is losing his feathers. I think he has decided to give up flying.
We have now realised once again that Jess had had problems with the route. And the problem was that North Ireland was going to be a bit tricky to row through. Mostly because its land and you cannot row a row boat in land. We know, because we tried.
So, with this news our idea is to row really fast around the Isle of Man four times in a bid to make them feel less left out.

Rowing has been hard.  Because it's now uphill.
We have run out of sea-themed topics.
At the moment Steph is wondering who Gordon Bennet is.

Charlie wonders if Womble's music is as popular today as when her mum was young. Who not only had the album. But used to go to a Womble convention in Leeds. She dressed us as Orinoco.


Actually, the girls are Wombles because they want to make the oceans cleaner

Song of the day was Wombles theme tune

Undersea, over sea. Wombles are we
Raising the funds for a good charity
Cleaning the oceans because it is a mess
Shame we are lost most the time due to Jess

Part 7 alternative diary

 

After listening to radio Luxenberg on the mobile phone, Lia decided to watch the boat that rocked and thought that it sounds like a plan. Though we have suspicions about her taking it too literary

dressin' to the sky like cap'n 'ook means she be now unable to row.

 An' 'ave decided from now on to talk like a gentleman o' fortune, with the likes o' arr arr, arr, matey, an' avast ye an' other strange stuff. I can see there bein' mutiny. She 'as started to refer to us as bilge-sucklings an' started to sin' somethin' called a chantey. Which was actually the theme song to Captain Pugwash. Which was ironic because it's really what Lia looked like. 

this here isn’t 'alf throwin' spell checker.

The song today was Girls want to have fun

Part 6 Alternative diary

 We were joined by a pod of dolphins today. West country dolphins. You could tell by the way they communicated ‘Ark at 'Ee Squeak’

We also posed in a range of hats that one of the sponsors sent us. They really must have hated us.
Though Charlie liked her hat. Though, she did not have any dress sense, to begin with 

After the weather got better and the seas got less wobbly we are nearing the point where we go up and stay up for a long while. So hopefully we not get lost.



. After getting lost once again we had to have words with Jess about her navigation skills. We have updated the gear with tarot cards, runes, a weather vane, and when all else fails a magic eight ball. So hopefully we will be back on track
Not only that. Lia forgot to pay the phone bill and also to be told that dial-up does not work where we are. So, we have invested in the top-of-the-range Nokia 6130 with a large extendable aerial. Which is long enough to dry washing on. And pick up radio Luxembourg from the past.

Today's song is The Beatles Yellow Submarine

Part 5 alternative diary

 Jess has realised much to her disappointment that Wales was discovered years ago.

Andrea is training Archibald to talk. He mostly says mine, mine mine!
Charlie thinks we seem to be lost because the land should be on the right of us and its on the left. Depending on where sitting on the boat. What’s left again? Ah, Port. No Steph, we don’t have any port or wine. Well, we may do, ask Andrea!
Charlie do we have port? Or cheese?
Did Lia bring a cheese aboard?


Bit of an emergency last night. Andrea discovered the bucket was missing, It was a bit choppy. In so many ways. Then discovered it upon Charlie’s head, after she found the port, wine and cheese. Thankfully the bucket was empty at the time.
The song today was the theme tune to Captain pugwash

We have decided to give the bucket a name inspired by Wilson in Tom Hanks Castaway. And decided on Mr. Runny grunts. Though, unlike Wilson. Mr. Runny Grunts does not have a happy face.